Preparing for rest
Practical ways to prioritize rest in the midst of everyday life, along with a real-life menu for the month so you can spend less time meal planning and create more margin.
Our family doesn’t have the whole resting thing down by any means. Our house is rarely quiet or peaceful in this stage of working from home and homeschooling three kids, ages seven and under. No one naps anymore, so my once guaranteed me time in the middle of the day is now gone.
Any advice I give on resting is not because it comes easy or natural. I also place a high value on being productive, and have struggled with finding my identity in how much I can produce for most of my life. Whatever Enneagram number, horoscope, or personality flaw that is - I have it.
In order to find pockets of rest, I have to fight for it and go against my nature of never being satisfied with the amount of effort I have put in. If it were up to me, it would never be enough to stop. Matt and I also have to be ruthless in making it happen for our family and constantly remind each other that we have to fight to keep a pace of life that is sustainable for the long haul. We are seeking a rhythm of life that offers periods of rest along the way, not just a once a year vacation.
So, I write this, not as an expert or a person with ample time provided to rest, but from a place of encouragement. I write it as an encouragement - for you to see the importance of rest and how to keep fighting for it amidst the busyness of life.
In our home, to fight for rest, means that we plan and prepare throughout our everyday lives with our hearts, minds, time, and finances.
We will get tired and weary and have really hard days. Activities, family dynamics, or life may throw curveballs, but I hope that the high value placed on rest in our home will remain with us through the years.
So, how then, do we find true rest - like peaceful, soul-satisfying rest?
If we can’t afford to take a vacation every year, or we are in the thick of care-giving for a sick family member or young babies. What if it feels too indulgent to stop in the midst of the busyness of our lives when everything and everyone needs us?
Rest will look different for us all and finding what that means for you could take up the pages of an entire book.
One rule that has helped me figure out what to prioritize during rest times is, “if you work with your hands, rest with your mind. If you work with your mind, rest with your hands.”
You may say, “well, my job is both physically and mentally taxing, I just don’t know how to turn my brain off and rest.” Or, you may be so busy that when you do get a break you are paralyzed by all the options you could choose, so you do nothing and never feel quite like you got a break.
My best advice would be to start with what I call a “delights list.” This is a running list of small and big things, like a brain dump of sorts, that would bring you joy in the season of life you are in. The items or experiences on this list are things that bring a sense of peace and rest in big or small ways. It could be a book you’ve wanted to read, setting aside 10 minutes to call a friend, planning a trip, or creating an intentional morning routine that gives you more quiet before you start your day.
The things on this list don’t have to be expensive, and they don’t have to have a timeframe to be completed by. Just start with a running list that is easy to pull from when you get an opportunity to rest for five minutes, five days, or five weeks. They can also be planned ahead of time (see below when we talk about preparing our calendar).
However you find rest, it is going to take ruthless intentionality and planning to make it happen.
No one is going to offer it up freely or make it happen for you.
To offer practical examples, I wanted to share four ways that our family prioritizes rest in our everyday life.
Also, below you will find this month’s real-life meal plan and a template to build your own, along with resources that have helped our family create rhythms around rest.
1. We prepare with our hearts and minds
It may sound like the cheesy, church answer, but my source of true rest, hope, and peace in this chaotic world we live in is Jesus Christ.
You may share a similar view or different worldview, but wherever you are at when you read this, my hope is that you start from a place of openness to what a gift rest can be in your life.
Our culture views “the hustle” as honorable and sleep as the enemy of our goals. Rest is seen as a hinderance, but I see rest as God’s gift to us fragile humans and as an act of trust in our generous creator who never ceases to provide way beyond what we could fathom.
Our worldview is pivotal in shaping how Matt and I prepare our hearts for rest. When we know that we have a faith we can lean on throughout the ups, downs, and ordinary moments of life. This gives us peace of mind knowing that we are not in control and do not have to work ourselves to the bone without ceasing. We can rest knowing that we don’t have to earn favor, have to outwork our sin, or save ourselves.
2. We prepare with our calendar
For our family, the rule is simple - if it’s not an “ABSOLUTELY,” it’s a “no.” That may sound harsh, but every “yes” we say is a “no” to something else, so our “yeses” better be worth it.
That does not mean that we say “no” to everything we don’t want to do. There is inconvenience associated with hospitality and being in relationship with others. We also have to say “yes” to mundane tasks and work obligations. This is more about really choosing our “extras” wisely.
A few ways that we intentionally make space for rest on our calendars:
I eat a real lunch every day. As much as I would love to wake up before my kids and have that as my quiet time, it is just not in the cards with this state of little kids. So, for me, I do my devotions or “quiet time” mid-day.
This used to be during their nap time, but since none of the girls nap anymore, I still make it happen, but it looks a little more noisy and feral. Sometimes it is Dino nuggets and a pear, sometimes it’s fancy leftovers from the night before. Either way, I put it on a plate, sit down and eat as slow as possible. It is not calm, or quiet, but it is a time when I stop work, chores, or school to rest my mind and nourish my body.
After lunch, I usually make myself a honey latte and either enjoy it outside while reading a book, or folding laundry. Just the act of slowing down to make the coffee is a ritual that uses both hands and shifts my mind from work to rest.
We take a full day off each week. Usually this is Sundays because we go to a church that offers Saturday evening services. When that is not an option, we still make it to church on Sundays, but do nothing else besides things that bring each of us joy and rest outside of our typical work tasks.
We don’t just sit around and stare at the wall and call it rest. Sometimes it is a nap or a movie, but most of the time it is something like planting flowers, playing games, going on a walk or bike ride, or a long drive out to the country.
We take a family trip at least once per month. For us, travel is restful and we love to take time away from our normal lives to see new places, then come back refreshed in order to appreciate what we have (even with extra laundry to unpack).
This is usually a day trip to somewhere close, but every few months we go somewhere further. Since we live about two hours from the coast, mountains, or cool cities, we choose one for the month and go for the day, or even get a cheap hotel room and do what we call a day-and-a-half trip.
Matt and I get away at least one night away per year as a couple. Lately, we have had weddings or events that we can use an excuse to get away, but even when we don’t we either pay a babysitter or ask the grandparents because it is so important to the thriving and flourishing of our marriage.
I will talk more about how we make room for time and save our money for this in the next two points.
Since our girls are so young, we keep extracurriculars very minimal. Our goal is one extracurricular per season. Sometimes the season is eight weeks long, but in that eight weeks, each child gets to choose one. It is a tough choice, and this can be controversial to some, but this works well for our family in this stage of life. The activities themselves may change, but we stick pretty firm to this rule in order to keep our schedules from getting out of control and our family around the dinner table.
3. We prepare with our finances
It took us six years of marriage before we started budgeting together. But once we started setting and tracking our spending together each month, we have found a peace we hadn’t had before. The simple act of telling our money where it needed to go and being disciplined to stick to it as a team was revolutionary for our marriage. It helped us become debt free and is now what helps us avoid debt at all costs.
You may be asking, “How does this play a role in finding rest?”
Well, we view how we spend our money as a reflection of our values. So, if one of our largest values is rest, budgeting our money in order to live within our means allows us to work the hours we need, not more then we need to keep up with an inflated lifestyle.
Having margin in our finances gives us peace of mind and makes it easier to have a schedule that allows for rest because we can work the hours we need, not more because of fear we will not be able to afford our lifestyle.
Practically, for us we save for our things on our “delights list” by utilizing sinking funds. These are micro savings accounts outside of our normal spending to save up for things we know are coming. We save for things like day trips, larger vacations, holidays, hosting dinner parties, children’s activities, or anything that is out of our normal spending that are wants.
When we were first married, it was a small amount - like $15-20 small. But, even a few dollars a month can help prioritize rest and fun experiences without the stress because it is being intentionally saved.
4. We prepare with our home
We can have a clear schedule and all the money in the world, but if our home doesn’t feel restful, we will always long to escape it and never feel rested in our normal lives.
I love the quote, “create a life you don’t need to escape,” but that is easier said than done because it takes creating a restful environment within our homes through the habits and routines we set into place.
For us, this means we:
Set up a rest station - by my favorite chair in our living room, I keep a couple magazines and a book, along with a candle, my favorite blanket draped over in case I need to get cozy, a lamp, and the slider is right there in case I want to feel the breeze on a nice day.
Your rest station may be your desk, or your bedside table, or even in your car for bits of rest between kids’ practices or on your lunch break. Wherever it is, set yourself up to rest with a place that is designated for it, with all that you need to make it easy to unwind and find peace - even if it is for five minutes.
Live minimally - the more stuff we have, the more we have to manage - which takes up our time, money, and energy. All of which, when depleted, can steal our rest and joy.
Keep a tidy - not perfectly clean - home - we try to keep a routine of tidying up each day so when it is time to rest, we can do it physically and mentally.
Our house is never clean all at once, but by completing one or two cleaning tasks each day and tidying as we go it is enough to know that we are never more than 30 minutes away from a clean feeling house at any given time. This offers us mental rest without the distraction of too much clutter or mess.
What “tidy” means to you will be different. Everyone has their priorities of what matters to them in their home.
For me, it’s usually the same three things:
clear counters
toys off the living room floor (bedroom doors can be shut and ignored for a bit)
dishes not overflowing out of the sink, if I can’t see a few in the bottom of the sink I am good.
So, with all of this in mind:
What does rest look like for you?
What is on your “delights list”?
What are some practical ways you can seek rest in your everyday life?
How are you preparing your heart, mind, calendar, finances, and home for a life of sustainable rhythms of rest?
May Menu and Template
Below is a month of my family’s real meals for the month of May. Use this as inspiration for what to cook, but then make it your own with the blank template. Use recipes that work with your dietary needs, budget, and schedule.
If planning monthly is too much of a commitment, break down the meal plan into weekly chunks. This is still just as helpful and provides all of the same benefits.
Here are some of my favorite resources on rest and rhythms linked so you can easily find them.
Books:
Atomic Habits by James Clear
Podcasts:
This is How We Do: Rest & Independent Play —
Can a mom actually practice sabbath? — Risen Motherhood
Blog Posts/Articles:
“What is a sinking fund and how do you create one?” by Rachel Cruz
“Momma, Jesus invites you to come and rest” - Risen Motherhood
Happy cooking!
Brittney
Thanks for sharing about our podcast!